Court witness

The prosecuting attorney had just called his first witness to the stand, an elderly woman. Approaching her, he asked, "Do you know me, Mrs. Jackson?"

"I certainly do, Mr. Craine, since you were a small boy," she responded. "Actually, you've been a very big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and are a hypocrite. You think you're some big shot, when in reality you're nothing more than a paper-pusher. You bet I know you."

Stunned and not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jackson, do you know the defense attorney?"

She replied, "Yes, I do. In fact, I used to babysit Mr. Nelson when he was a small boy. He, too, has been a great disappointment to me. He not only has a drinking problem, but he's lazy and a bigot. His law practice has a reputation of being one of the shoddiest in town. Yes, I sure do know him."

The judge immediately silenced the uproar in the courtroom and asked both counselors to approach the bench.

Giving them both the evil eye, he said in a whisper, "If either of you dare ask her if she knows me, you will be jailed for contempt!"