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Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted. -- Anonymous
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. -- Steve Bluestone
I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot. -- John Cleese, Monty Python, British comedy television show
I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul. -- Jean Cocteau
... I am indebted to the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for a greater control over myself, for a characteristic aversion to brutal sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long periods of time. -- Colette
What if it was cats who invented technology... would they have tv shows starring rubber sqeak toys? -- Douglas Coupland
In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats. -- English Proverb
I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better. -- George Bird Evans
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the 2 will hover, inches above the ground. With a giant buttered-cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago. -- John Frazee
When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. -- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
Women and Cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it. -- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love, Lazarus Long
Love to eat them mousies
Mousie's what I love to eat.
Bite they little heads off
Nibble on they tiny feet.
-- B. Kliban
What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself. -- Abraham Lincoln
It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, "Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then." -- Lyle Lovett, musician, upon marying actress Julia Roberts, 1994
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx
The trouble with a kitten is
THAT
Eventually it becomes a
CAT. -- Ogden Nash
When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby. -- Nigerian Proverb
A hippo does not have a sting in its tail, but a wise man would still rather be sat on by a bee. -- Polish proverb
A kitten is chiefly remarkable for rushing about like mad at nothing whatever, and generally stopping before it gets there. -- Agnes Repplier
There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats. -- Albert Schweitzer
Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from the other animals....except weasels. -- Homer Simpson, character from The Simpsons, U.S. animated television show
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. -- August Strindberg
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -- Lily Tomlin
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. -- Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to. -- Mark Twain
The more I know about people, the better I like my dog. -- Mark Twain
We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry. -- John Webster
The English country gentleman galloping after a fox--the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. -- Oscar Wilde
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. -- Steven Wright
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically! -- Steven Wright