English Story


If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
-- Scott Adams


There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network.
-- Guy Almes


There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
-- Jeremy S. Anderson


If you don't double-click me, I can't do anything.
-- John Aniston, on how computers have taken over his life


Guide to understanding a net.addict's day:
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of usenet.
-- Anonymous


If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
-- Anonymous


Multimedia? As far as I'm concerned, it's reading with the radio on!
-- Rory Bremner


The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life.
-- Andrew Brown


Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read.
-- Button from the Computer Museum, Boston, MA


By the time (the Leaning Tower of Pisa) was 10% built, everyone knew it would be a total disaster. But the investment was so big they felt compelled to go on. Since its completion, it cost a fortune to maintain and is still in danger of collapsing. There are no plans to replace it, since it was never needed in the first place. I expect every installation has its own pet software which is analogous to the above.
-- Ken Iverson


Saying that Windows95 is equal to Macintosh is like finding a potato that looks like Jesus and believing you've witnessed the second coming.
-- Guy Kawasaki


I'd wipe the machines off the face of the earth again, and end the industrial epoch absolutely, like a black mistake.
-- D. H. Lawrence


Live TV died in the late 1950s, electronic bulletin boards came along in the mid-1980s, meaning there was about a 25-year gap when it was difficult to put your foot in your mouth and have people all across the country know about it.
-- Mark Leeper


Considering the flames and intolerance, shouldn't USENET be spelled ABUSENET?
-- Michael Meissner


In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.
-- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live," U.S. television show


The last good thing written in C++ was the Pachelbel Canon.
-- Jerry Olson


There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.
-- Kenneth H. Olson, President of DEC, Convention of the World Future Society, 1977


Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
-- Jeff Raskin


Disclaimer - These opiini^H^H damn! ^H^H ^Q ^[ .... :w :q :wq :wq! ^d X ^? exit X Q ^C ^? :quitbye CtrlAltDel ~~q :~q logout save/quit :!QUIT ^[zz ^[ZZZZZZ ^H man vi ^ ^L ^[c ^# ^E ^X ^I ^T ? help helpquit ^D ^d man help ^C ^c help ?Quit ?q CtrlShftDel"Hey, what does this button d...
-- Seen in a .signature file


The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
-- B. F. Skinner


If unix is the face of the future I wanna go back to quill pens.
-- Joseph Snipp


Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it.
-- Gene Spafford


If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a 'fix' of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.
-- Rob Stampfli


Men have become the tools of their tools.
-- Henry David Thoreau


Technology makes it possible for people to gain control over everything, except over technology.
-- John Tudor


Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.
-- Unknown author, Levitating Trains and Kamikaze Genes: Technological Literacy for the 1990's, describing the difference between computer hardware and software