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If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
-- Anonymous

 

UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

 

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little pot belly and a bald spot.
-- Elayne Boosler

 

If people turn to look at you on the street, you are not well dressed.
-- Beau Brummel

 

People only see what they are prepared to see.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.
-- Al Gore, U.S. Vice President

 

To the ass, or the sow, their own offspring appears the fairest in creation.
-- Latin Proverb

 

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
-- Abraham Lincoln

 

A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.
-- James Lowell

 

There is no one so bound to his own face that he does not cherish the hope of presenting another to the world.
-- Antonio Machado

 

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.
-- Nelson Mandela, A Long Walk to Freedom

 

In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty.
-- Christopher Morley

 

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
-- P. J. O'Rourke

 

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
-- Dolly Parton

 

I base my fashion sense on what doesn't itch.
-- Gilda Radner

 

Less and grayer hair.
-- Cal Ripkin Jr., baseball player, describing how he has changed over the course of his consecutive games record

 

Of the seven dwarves, only Dopey had a shaven face. This should tell us something about the custom of shaving.
-- Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All

 

Beauty as we feel it is something indescribable; what it is or what it means can never be said.
-- George Santayana

 

Why doesn't she like me? Is it my hair, my overbite, the fact that I've worn the same shirt and shorts for the last four years?
-- Bart Simpson, young character from The Simpsons, U.S. animated television show

 

A beauty is a woman you notice; A charmer is one who notices you.
-- Adlai Stevenson

 

Like a prune, you are not getting any better looking, but you are getting sweeter.
-- N. D. Stice

 

All that is gold does not glitter. Not all those who wander are lost;
-- J.R.R. Tolkein

 

Not much meat on her, but what's there is choice.
-- Spencer Tracy, about Katharine Hepburn

 

I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day.
-- Vincent Van Gogh

 

One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a wisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way.
-- Vincent Van Gogh

 

A narcissist is someone better-looking than you are.
-- Gore Vidal

 

Even overweight cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim poses.
-- John Weitz, American Designer

 

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
-- Mae West

 

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde

 

Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a little pet for your face.
-- Anita Wise